미쳤어

God. The night before a midterm and I still have not master the art of coming to bed on time. Again, I'm thinking of things and getting ahead of myself. I think the only way to stop it is to say something or act something. All this excessive thinking is getting me fricking nowhere! And I hate thinking of the unknown. Sometimes, it is very scary shit. It's like my mind goes into all these different situations where I plan this big momentous speech or question that my mind wraps into another dimension or something. I know that totally made no sense! but that was what I could put into words at the time. It's just that...I somehow wish I could get it over with. First, it really depends if or when I do see him, if I like the feeling of being with him. Second, whether or not I can confirm the feelings I'm having are geniune. Third, the guts to ask him out.
God, when this year is suppose to be a year where I really needed to focus on my studies, I'm thinking more and more about him! Arg. Is the only way out to say something and find out what he thinks? Either it works out or he declines and then maybe I will stop thinking of what CAN'T occur! GOD! I think I need to know the answer soon before finals comes at least. All these questions I have up in the air is doing me no good. I getting paranoid and acting like a junior high school kid at the same time. I think what I really want is an ANSWER, you know? Not caring exactly what the answer is actually but just like a result, I think.
God, and what he thinks is putting me on edge also. What is his answer is no? My FIRST attempt asking someone out on a date would be a first for me. Not only afraid of refusal but what if he says "Yes?" That would make me unable to sleep for days, which might include the day before. Not only have I never been in a relationship, I don't think I ever been on any sort of date. The one with John, not even! Cause Aaron was there and it was because we were going as friends and it was in the day. But all those times I hang out with Brenton, what do I call those? I think it is just hanging out as friends. Going to eat food and see an occasional movie, no big deal. None of us never said anything to further that relationship so we remains as friends. But I don't think I want that with him? I mean I would like it to go somewhere if I could? I don't know any big flaws of him yet so I can't put him in a "friend" folder. And I not entirely sure that I would really want to. I going 미쳤어. Thinking and going over different scenarios in my stupid mind, what should I make of it?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! 미쳤어. 미쳤어. 미쳤어.
Friends are also suggesting that we should hang out. That I should not just come out and say "I like you" to him. I kinda agree, but ugh, its like I want to get it over. But I think those words are harder or to say now that asking him out. LOL.
Should I just wait and see? It really really depends on the notion of IF I see him. (ESPECIALLY this thursday at Donna's moving thing.)