real life

Shit.
Who knew that real life can hit so close to home.
I always thought we would be OK. But life just had to step on.
Now whatever I do, there is not way to help keep the water from overflowing
because there is already cracks in the wall.
How am I suppose to help the family?
When I'm going on this big spurge of at rip which I don't even money to afford myself!
Shit.

When I saw that paper tonight, I prayed it was a stupid joke.
but it said terminated.
What are they to do?
I thought he losing a job last last summer was a shock enough,
but now..SHIT! How will they keep up?
I feel so much guilt and so helpless knowing that what money
I can make I can't even give to them because I going on this expensive trip.
I feel like a selfish brat.
All the worries and stress and effort and time spent on this big trip is just
brought by endless guilt now knowing that
I should be helping more at home.
I don't even know if bro knows, should I tell him?
What can he do?
Sometimes I just wish we win the lottery already.
Or somehow we come to this huge pile of cash.
Because I know I not going to meet this person to take care all of my troubles.
My life is not a TW drama.

But when can I do? He's sick and she has all the responsibilities of the family to worry about.

I just sorry, Mom and Dad. I can't do anything.