NYC

More than anything...even more excited for my trip to Costa Rica..is the one for New York in June. I JUST want to EAT there! 24 - 7! hehe

Childhood Days

I can't help but reminisce my childhood now that I'm considered a "Full" legalized adult...

When I was a child:
1. I was able to climb up and down, sideways, on monkey bars, on my door way! I miss my childhood-like flexibility.
2. Nights where I would go to my parents bed when I couldn't sleep on my own bed. And when my dad would carry me back to my own bed when I was asleep on theirs =P
3. One afternoon, I remember the sidewalks all being infested with bugs, or worms, all dead or maybe alive, but the piggy back ride I got from daddy!
4. I was still taller than my little brother and little cousin...that was nice.
5. Afternoon visits to my cousin's old house: the BBQ's we had in their little garden.
6. Overalls..I like the ones I had...before it got ripped while I was climbing the fence by my cousin's house.
7. Little friends, babies that came to visit or I had a chance to visit while they were still small so I had the chance to pick on them =)
8. Sleepovers spent either at friend's house or cousins house...watching Cinderella and listening to old school BSB.
9. Those years where every special holidays was mash up with a house warming party! =)
10. In Vietnam, riding on a motor scooter like vehicle with 3 other people on it: My dad driving, mother, and little brother with me in front!

CAN'T WAIT!

Man...I'm counting down the days for my TRIPS!!!

1. First to Costa Rica (May 9 - May 20) and it'll be loads of fun and sun!!
2. Weekend getaway to New York City (June 3 - June 7) and I can't wait to shop and EAT!!

All this excitement is keeping me up I just can't want to get out of Edmonton, of routine school life (btw is slowing going downhill in terms of punctuality, attentiveness, and lack of care) I just need a jolt, and I always get that from going on a trip and getting back.

YAY!! Hooray for Good Travels! <3


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New Post

OMG..It has been ages since I posted anything up!
For anyone actually reading this, this other blog of mine will be use for everyday things...things to RANT about, LOVE about? or anything I feel like sharing to readers I do not know...hehe

So lately, I've been reading up on other blogs, going to school, work, worrying about things and people...Not that much different from before.

BUT..now..dunno with a direction to go with. (to be continued)

Love and Kisses

I'm in a kissing mood: hahaha.....
some pics I mesh together

Total Sickness

Have been sick for almost a week now. And trying to sleep while coughing for your life is no fun at all. I swear I must have some internal lungs issues just waiting to surface one day. Hopefully I get better soon!

Recap of Las Vegas

Back from Vegas, had a work Christmas party, started classes again..January will be tough to get through....some pics from Vegas:



Pics of Paris, MGM, Caesar's Palace etc. Came home to a bunch of debt though. Hopefully shifts will come and I can slowly but surely reduce before I actually go out and work...hehe

Things that I desired

My God its like this drama "美男이서네요" or " You're Beautiful" is bringing the school girl out of me again. All I want to do is buy, buy their merchandise! LOL. Hopefully by posting them up I can try to get them out of my system...Here's hoping!

The Samsung Corby S3650

OR...

The Samsung Corby Pro S5310

Basically the same as above but with a slide out RED QWERTY keyboard.....CHOICES!!

A PINK Fuji Instax!!! so kawaii!! ^^



"Pig Rabbit" Nose of a pig and body of a rabbit...hehe...its so CUTE!!

Places to get them: www.yesasia.com, www.lightintheboc.com, www.photojojo.com, www.ebay.com--> Obviously...

But I'm hoping to find that camera in Vegas when I'm there this Saturday! The rest...we'll seE?

Its has been months since I have posted anything up! But my summer was great. I went backpacking through Europe! Started school now in the travel program and its all going along great! I hope to do many many more trips.


I went to much much more places...but I'm too lazy to upload most of them =P

MADRID, SPAIN

1st NIGHT:

I forgot to write anything for our first night, but we arrived in Madrid like around 3 and got to our hostel around 4 or 5 pm. Man...my backpack was HUGE!! like on the side....it had a mind of its own...haha, and I got laughed. The airport had the metro connecting and we quickly got to our hostel. Madrid´s so nice! I became the camera whore..haha. It´s so pretty and old and nice. We arrived there on a sunday, so everything was closed. But once we got to our hostel and got everything settled down, I went for a shower...sigh* It felt good, after the sweat that accumulated from the damn backpack...haha. We went exploring, and it was quite windy but nice. We went in a circle around the neighborhood of the hostel. I swear, EVERYWHERE has graffiti on it. ALL the stores closing doors thingy has at least something on it. It´s cool. Then we went to a metro place, don´t know how to spell its name, but the space beside it, there was some like of muslim gathering. There was music and dancing, but I couldn´t see since there was so many tall people in front of me...haha. Then we walked some more, I saw a couple making out...heavily..hehe. We walked more and took stupid pictures and then we got hungry. Sadly to report that the first meal we had in Madrid was nothing of local cuisine. We walked into this Indian/Hindu street, there was many restaurants and we where tired of looking for a spanish restaurant so we went into that one. All three dishes were chicken, two were curry, once spicy yet sweet and the other normal. It was really good and fulling. After that we decided to return to the hostel. We also met the first of many of our dorm-mates. Her name was Claire and from the US. She gave us some pretty good tips.

2nd Day:
We woke up around 8 am today. Toke a shower and then went for breakfast downstairs. Then we decided to go to the local train station: Atocha. It was grand, not really THAT pretty but still pretty neat. We got our passes validated and then went to check out the famous Museo Reina Sofía.Ugh, forgot my student card there so had to pay regular price. T.T. Man, when we went it there was this sick but cool sculpture two man hanging on the ceiling by there tongues or something and they moved. The museum: I did not understand it all. There was paintings that were like they were drawed by kids, like sketches. Also, there was some so with some much cleavage...haha. We saw groups of little spanish kids and they were so cute!! We also saw Picasso´s most famous painting the Guernica. When I first looked at it, no freaking idea what it was supposed to mean, just thought it was kind of ugly, and there was animals and humans, an eyeball with its pupil as a light bulb. Later by wikipeding it I found out its a painting of a bombing of the town Guernica during the Spanish Civil War by German bombers. The museum also had these odd-looking rock sculptures of people.There legs were like a round ball...it was funny. oh, also there was this room of some many men, I swear they looked chinese! with there small eyes. haha. Too bad I couldn't´t take a picture to show they didn´t allow it. Next we got some food and went to Madrid´s Park. It was huge and pretty and green and trees in full bloom. Compared that to Edmonton, we sure are slow. haha.

After our 5 hour nap, we woke up around 9ish, and it took us about an hour to get out the door. So we were heading to the Puerta del Sol when before the metro station I spotted a convenience store. The owners inside were Chinese! We walked around and found the big bottles of water. This chinese lady comes up to us and ask if we were Chinese, so then I was forced to converse in my poor chinese. But I must, I can soo can by with my chinese...hehe, and she said my chinese was good...don't know to much about that. But her chinese wasn't really mainland, more taiwan, dunno. Then we headed to the square. It was huge, but there was some construction going on so we could see the middle square...shame. We actually found a spanish restaurant this time: TapasBar. It was red, modern and a waiter that can speak english!! hehe. We ordered Estrella beer, which is a local beer. Raeanna got Paella Mediterrane, rice with seafood and sauce, Marvin got chicken with vegetables(Pechuga la planc) , and I got Duck meat and citrus fruits (Magret de Plato). It was good. ^_^. We finished dinner around 11:30, and decided to walk a bit and reach Plaza Mayor, it was this huge square and at night, there was a few people. Two men have tried persistently to try to sell some flowers to us which cost 1€ each! Later chilling around the square, we headed back home. <3

So for our last day in Madrid, we first went to this Egyptian Temple: Templo de Debod kinda far from the city's center. But the temple was cool, it was part of this huge park. The temple itself was ancient, like from the 4th century or something, and for me the first time I saw some Egyptian hieroglyphics and that was cool, although it was still kinda hard to see. After that we went back to this square called Plaza de España, there was this huge fountain thing in the middel, and also another small but pretty one. Not far from the square we decided to do some shopping along Gran Via. This big street that had many stores. We went to some, don't remember the names, but for lunch we had KFC. Because Marvin and Raeanna said that the MacDonald beside smell like ass, and it did!!! Can't believe there was still people that were eating there..@_@. But our KFC meal..delicious and only 2.50 Euros. Not bad for a meal I must say. Later we made our way again the Puerta del Sol and the Plaza Mayor just to see the place in daylight, and it was much more alive in the day. Especially in the Plaza, there were acts and people laying on the floor, birds and sun! We bought some local souvniers and then decided to rest for a bit at the square.
After some rest, we headed back to the big park and decided to check the crystal museum and rose garden before going the Prado. We saw the museum, and I was not entirely impressed. The place was going through renovations and thus, there was nothing in there to see! Then we TRIED to move on to the rose garden, unfortunately for us, Marvin let us on the wrong way and we went west instead of south. HA! We never made it to the rose garden, we all were too tired. After another break to enjoy the park, then walked out of the park to go to the Prado. But before we went to the Prado, which let people in for free: tuesdays from 6-9, we went around and took pictures outside. There was this huge ass church, I went in while Raeanna and Marvin chill outside. The Church inside was so pretty! @_@. I felt I had to cross after entering this place. Man, this place was old school, so much symbols, so much icons, so much of Jesus. LOL. It as so grand for a church. The alter was crazy and awesome. After my exploring, we went down the street to find the Communications Palace. Man that place was huge, and so over just for a post office that wasn't even open..haha. The place was around the circle lane of traffic, and in the middle was also a landmark of Madrid, the Cibeles fountain which was very cool.
After that, it was time for the Prado! We weren't allowed any pictures in the museum, and we're under a tight schedule to see as much as possible before closing time. The museum was so cool. It was simple, and the paintings all had a border and below telling the artist name and date.Mostly the paintings were of religious themes or portraits of the royal family of the past. I saw Las Meninas by Velázquez and both the cloth and nude Maja by Goya. Both of these paintings were huge and cool to see in person. There also was alot and I mean alot of paintings of Jesus and his crucifixion, it was cool and eerly at the same time. There was these paintings with three panels with paradise: Adam and Eve, in the middle; an earthly paradise and hell. We pretty much went through the whole museum and most of the rooms and saw the paintings at least one second each? lol. By the end, all I know is that my feet and legs were dying! haha.

(to be continued...too tired and hungry...>.<)

After the visit to the Prado, we decided to have Micky D's for dinner. At 1 Euro per item, it was the cheapest meal we can have. I had a Chicken sandwich thing. I was expected the same as in Canada but this one, it's sauce was spicy and different. I also had a salad, it was good. ^_^. We then headed back to the hostel to pack. In the end, we didn't pack. Me and Raeanna both were very tired, and we would pack in the morning.

real life

Shit.
Who knew that real life can hit so close to home.
I always thought we would be OK. But life just had to step on.
Now whatever I do, there is not way to help keep the water from overflowing
because there is already cracks in the wall.
How am I suppose to help the family?
When I'm going on this big spurge of at rip which I don't even money to afford myself!
Shit.

When I saw that paper tonight, I prayed it was a stupid joke.
but it said terminated.
What are they to do?
I thought he losing a job last last summer was a shock enough,
but now..SHIT! How will they keep up?
I feel so much guilt and so helpless knowing that what money
I can make I can't even give to them because I going on this expensive trip.
I feel like a selfish brat.
All the worries and stress and effort and time spent on this big trip is just
brought by endless guilt now knowing that
I should be helping more at home.
I don't even know if bro knows, should I tell him?
What can he do?
Sometimes I just wish we win the lottery already.
Or somehow we come to this huge pile of cash.
Because I know I not going to meet this person to take care all of my troubles.
My life is not a TW drama.

But when can I do? He's sick and she has all the responsibilities of the family to worry about.

I just sorry, Mom and Dad. I can't do anything.

1st Blog in months!

In the past, everything was so simple. There was nothing to hide from.Nothing to run from, nothing to cry over.Now, Everything has changed.Why?Why does troubles grow as days pass by?Why does fear grows stronger when the years pass on?Is there no end.Why has life got so complicated?There is drama everywhere. Gossip at every corner, and bs all around.Why do I care so much?Why can't I just let go and let others do their own thing.Am I an enabler or just a crybaby?Maybe I'm both.
Why is this world so cruel to me and others.We all make mistakes, why is everything so serious and stupid?I worry over if I'm a good:friend,sister,daughter,cousin,believer,studentperson, it never ends.
As tears fall down my face, It doesn't stop but falls down harder.I know there is more I can do for everyone. But I feel so selfish for always putting me first.Why is that?
My room is cold and messy and I want to clear the clutter in my room and in my mind. But the mind never stops just like how I can't stop from caring and giving a shit for others.Others might call me meddling and tell me to stop being nosy and just leave tell be.But how can I help if I don't know the whole story?Maybe they don't need help from me? Or don't think I am useful. ButEven if others need me there to listen, I can be there for them.I lost enough friends to put in that effort. I don't want to lose more people that I let into my world just to let them slip away as tunes goes by. But if that time was to come, I would fight for it before I give up.
But some just don't seem to understand. And continue to judge.I don't want the people I know and love to be judge and step on by others.That's not what a human being should do in life.I'm far from perfect,there is some much of me that can be improved,and when others judge me and the people I know,I can't accept that.It's not in me to just let it pass by, I want to, no, have to stick up for them. Even though the odds are against me,I want to say something,
As time passes by, why is that life doesn't become easier. That the guidebook to life is an easier book to read.I feel cold founding out the truth isn't what I wanted it to be.And so scared of others. I don't want to judge them or find out they are not what they appear to be.I shudder at that.I don't want any harm upon others,but hope they cna find what can make they happy and be a good person in this life we all share. But Its not always what I want it to be.
Does the tears that fall from my eyes even do anything. I would think by this time in my life I have shed enough tears in a lifetime. ButNo it is not.I feel like Alice, that my tears are enough to fill a room, but it is not strong enough to break the walls down. Instead, its so much that I find myself drowning,gasping for some air,but its not enough.I never thought that life was that complicated. Now things are different.School.Work. And more work.Friends.Family.It doesn't ends. However I would not call it suffering.I suffer because I let myself. But its not ongoing.It comes and go,I would not always welcome it to my life,but it there to let you knowthat you alive,that you live,that we are all human.We are not gods. Nor saints.Nor demons.But humans.Humans with emotions,troubles,grief,stress,happiness,stupidness,laughter,and much more.
Sometimes I would think of all the hate we have in this world.Over faith,Over opposing views,Over love,Over our view of beauty,Over race,Over gender,Over sexual orientation.It makes me sick.It makes worry about the the stupid human race.It makes cry at night.It makes me fell like shit when I participate.I hate hate.I also really hate the word "hate" I such an awful word. I try not to use it.
It doesn't seem to get easier as time passers on.It never does. That one more law in life.Others are not always nice and genuine and there for you. There is so many people in the world,and there is just so many you meet in your lifetime, why not let them in and learn to accept and appreciate them instead of judging them and causing drama.Even though some deserves it,try to give them the benefit of the doubt.That all I can ask for.I just want my worries to diminish,stop worrying so much over little times.If there id something bugging you, let it out.Don't keep it inside, or you'll never find an answer.

미쳤어

God. The night before a midterm and I still have not master the art of coming to bed on time. Again, I'm thinking of things and getting ahead of myself. I think the only way to stop it is to say something or act something. All this excessive thinking is getting me fricking nowhere! And I hate thinking of the unknown. Sometimes, it is very scary shit. It's like my mind goes into all these different situations where I plan this big momentous speech or question that my mind wraps into another dimension or something. I know that totally made no sense! but that was what I could put into words at the time. It's just that...I somehow wish I could get it over with. First, it really depends if or when I do see him, if I like the feeling of being with him. Second, whether or not I can confirm the feelings I'm having are geniune. Third, the guts to ask him out.
God, when this year is suppose to be a year where I really needed to focus on my studies, I'm thinking more and more about him! Arg. Is the only way out to say something and find out what he thinks? Either it works out or he declines and then maybe I will stop thinking of what CAN'T occur! GOD! I think I need to know the answer soon before finals comes at least. All these questions I have up in the air is doing me no good. I getting paranoid and acting like a junior high school kid at the same time. I think what I really want is an ANSWER, you know? Not caring exactly what the answer is actually but just like a result, I think.
God, and what he thinks is putting me on edge also. What is his answer is no? My FIRST attempt asking someone out on a date would be a first for me. Not only afraid of refusal but what if he says "Yes?" That would make me unable to sleep for days, which might include the day before. Not only have I never been in a relationship, I don't think I ever been on any sort of date. The one with John, not even! Cause Aaron was there and it was because we were going as friends and it was in the day. But all those times I hang out with Brenton, what do I call those? I think it is just hanging out as friends. Going to eat food and see an occasional movie, no big deal. None of us never said anything to further that relationship so we remains as friends. But I don't think I want that with him? I mean I would like it to go somewhere if I could? I don't know any big flaws of him yet so I can't put him in a "friend" folder. And I not entirely sure that I would really want to. I going 미쳤어. Thinking and going over different scenarios in my stupid mind, what should I make of it?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! 미쳤어. 미쳤어. 미쳤어.
Friends are also suggesting that we should hang out. That I should not just come out and say "I like you" to him. I kinda agree, but ugh, its like I want to get it over. But I think those words are harder or to say now that asking him out. LOL.
Should I just wait and see? It really really depends on the notion of IF I see him. (ESPECIALLY this thursday at Donna's moving thing.)

Jealousy

Jealousy. I'm mostly envious of everyone around me. There would be something that I can find that makes me inferior to them. I know that I give of a snobbish persona and that's wrong, but its not entirely my fault here. I mean, that was the face I was given to work with. I jealous of family members how they don't seem to give a care in the world but anything. I hate that they have to so brutally honest, its not like I'm trying to pry. But if I ask about someone close maybe something a bit personal, you smite me like I'm shit. And make me a piece of shit. Both of them, actually. Even though, its might not be intentional on their part, its like a stab at my heart and feelings.My own brother, I feel only asks when he needs it. Just like me and my dad, he to me, now the little brother to me. We always just ask for something, and expect the other party to just hand it to you. It's this ask and take cycle over and over again, but usually its one sided.
Next, who I am envious of are friends. Those that are this aura of energy that everyone attracts to. And I want them to just be one, but I know that cannot happen. Either I'm tried and gave up or the other person found others to attract to. Should I hate them, or smite them, or be envious to. They have what I want, to attract people attention and all they want is to protect you. Why is it so hard to have. Could one day, it disappear? Friends, all I do is compare them to me, what they have that I don't, and why can't I have that or be more like that? Why can't I be happy more, why can't I be warm to people? Why do people judge me behind my back. Do I deserve it? Not only do I compare mentally but physical traits too. Why can't I be pretty like them? photogenic like them? Why do I feel so ugly? Inside and out. Its so hard sometimes to feel good for myself. Not only is there harsh criticism from others, but my own family. Also, I think the worst comes from myself. Always judging myself, am I pretty enough. I hate my teeth, it will take a year for it to look any better. I hate my small eyes, I wish they could be a little bigger to make me look more welcoming and warm. I hate my fat nose. All because of that stupid accident that ruined my would be normal nose. Why!? Now nothing can fix it. I doubt the fatness can get thinner. And my stupid blackheads and pores....they're huge!!
Third, Couples! Ugh, I swear couples are put on this Earth to make single people life a living hell. I do not like the way the "flaunt" their closeness they have with each other when I'm there. I wish for that. For someone to actually get me and forgives and accept me and me the same. It's just a living example of what I can't have or wish to have. UGH. Some can find it so easily, while some for this eternity may never find one. How ass sad. That is exactly what I am. I try to change, and I know that the effort has to come from my part, but am I just full of ugliness? I hope not. I hope my friends don't think that way of me. I hope my family does not either.....

OCTOBER 14. 2008

Today; officially the day that I have three midterms in a row of.
In simple words, I am SCREWED! Sure I study, but what use is of? I'm pretty sure from the moment I walk into that classroom at 9 am and my other 2 classes that I would blank out everything that I attempted to remember. Well, actually not everything, but off course the most important points. AND WHY?! is the night before so full of crap that I have to deal with!?? Off all the days for this stupid computer to have a massive breakdown of Trojan infections that it had to be today!??! and this morning with the damn construction of the basement bathroom. Then while I was studying, the phone calls either from the parents or to the brother from the very mall I want to work in!!! WHY CAN'T I HAVE NO GOOD NEWS???!!!? I SWEAR!!? the secret is bs. I mean I was gratiful, I keep giving off good thoughts, imaging myself in that job, put it in writing, and what not. Its been a month, and STILL no frickin' REPLY!!!! UGH!! I am so frickin pissed right now its not even funny. I swear whoever gets in my way, I will blow up on them!

GOD! of all the frickin days to choose! They choose the day before my midterms. The pivotal moment, the deciding day that will shape the rest of my University career. I really don't think I have any hope within myself. I just hope I can pull through Japanese. If its start out well, it can only get better. (I hope) God the only thing saving me from having a crazy meltdown, is to put all this frustration in writing. I just feel so unprepared! FRICK, like always I wait till the last moments to study half a semester worth of stuff, and for 3 subjects that is alot to retain! Usually I am not worry about any memory stuff, but I'm too afraid of a brain stump. WHAT I SHOULD DO?! I know its too late to ask them to change or anything, maybe I should have asked that in the much earlier, but I was afraid of what the teacher would say...haaaaaaa

Well, upside is, I was not like the day of the Korean midterm....crazy and shaking. But my god. Downside is: Tomorrow will be the longest day! I mean, right after the midterms, go to ec to try to apply for the Coles there, and back to campus to record the damn wimba, find the script, reherse what we say, and do the listening portion of the book, and maybe buy the new Korean textbook....I think I will go crazy tomorrow!!!

What do I feel?

Never ever have I picture myself with anyone. Usually in dreams I have although I could never really make out the other person's face, and I liked that. But now, why now? A image has taken over. I am not even 100% sure that I like him. We haven't even talk about real stuff or anything like that! All I really know is our similar taste in music and dramas. How can I like him just based on that?
Before in the past, all my petty crushes were just simple infatuations. Nothing too complex, just a simple crush. I was not going to say anything to them because I never see myself with them going anywhere. Not now, when I see him, I keep trying to find him in my view. Even though our talks are not too too deep, I enjoy them. I think he makes me smile, even when he is not trying to.I can feel his presence. It's so odd, I already know his walk. LOL.
Actually this should not be to odd to me, from the start he kinda caught my attention. That is too say, I have also noticed him. But it was till later we actually talked and got to know each other a bit more that I wanted to know what he has to say. But for real, I hardly now anything about him! But I think that is what attracts me to him. He is a book I want to read but can't seem to because it needs to be unlocked. Since he isn't the one who to ask the questions I want to know more. I guess I'm that kind of person. One who always asks the question and not the other way around. Even with friends, its the same cycle. I would have to be the one who does the first act. The one who makes the friend, ask the friend, phone the friend, keep the friend. I must say at times its very tiring.
Anyways back to him, whatever I feel for him: could past with time. But the question to myself is "Do I want it to past?" Maybe it was because the caffeine overdose I had yesterday, but it made my heart heard. And now I know it was because of the caffeine. But still without it, I still feel there is something there. Waiting for him to reply, seeing what he has to say and so on. What on Earth is put upon me. Not once in 19 years of existence have I ever felt like I should actually say something to the guy I liked. This is crazy. However, I feel like something needs to be said. If not, I'm going to afraid I will have this regret? I'm trying to limit my regrets these days. However John says that I too scared to actually say anything, but the thing is I'm afraid of the unknown, but at times would like to embrace it. So that is to say, if nothing is ever said, nothing will ever happen. If it is said, its up to him and how he feels to give me the answer. Then I would know. Good or bad. At least I said it and I would know. I would have no regret. I guess its better than just waiting for someone to come.
I know that it would be too soon to look the one. But I getting the feeling that if I like someone at the moment, I have the right to let them and myself know (If I want to that is). Nobody knows what is to come, so if there is someone I actually want to know more in depth way not try to get to know that person. So the question is that do I want more? And I pretty sure the answer to that is YES! But does he want more? than what we are now....?
And once again, my crazy imagination runs visibly wild in my childish head. Thoughts of how I will actually say the words "I Like You!" to him keeps playing in my head, the text I will give afterward. His response: I HAVE NO IDEA! But then images of possible dates? OMG! I do not know why this is happening, back then with people I did like or happens to be friends with (guys that is), I could not see myself with them, no matter how hard I try. I think its because that trial time has past, I seen them and feel nothing there is nothing there. Though with him, it comes so easily. Is that the way it should be? I really want to hug him in the front and back for some reason...haha..especially in the back, and act like a girl in front of him. For some reason, I think he would protect me. Thus, comes my dilemma. How does he feel? Since I barely know him and just blurt out the truth to him, what is to come? Will he react and do something? Or he is not interested at all. From messages on Facebook that he sends, some just hits me. Little words. But it is considered flirting? Why are guys so hard to read. Especially him, he barely shows any strong emotions or seem to the center of attention. But I seem to like that. The fact he does not show that much emotion, I wonder how he would treat a girlfriend. I guess what I'm trying to say is "Can I open him up?" It's so funny because I think I'm the one who needs to open up more. I think he is sweet (I think) and wonders what he thinks of me. And now, deep rooted self esteem issues come rushing in. What if he thinks I'm ugly? like he is not attracted to me? And body-image issues also comes with self esteem issues. HA! It just never ends for girls with self-criticism.
I pretty sure I'm not afraid of his answer so much as to taking that first step. I do not think he knows how I feel since people close to me have no clue either. I know I can't hide my feelings very well, but if ambushed I would know it will be written all over my face. But I don't know. As I'm actually writing this right now, I have this uneasy feeling, and I thought it has past! But the more I think about it, the more I get more anxious. But I think I should wait. I don't even know the next time we will see each other, let alone have the one-on-one chance to say anything......
Well actually all of this really, really depends if I get a call back from Coles since I made myself a deal that (I kinda regret) if I get the job, I might say something to the boy I think I Like. So I'm having my fingers crossed. Who knows what is in my future?

Sept 7, 2008

It's been some time since I have been writing, mostly due to the beginning of classes again and worry. The first day I must say I was overwhelmed and that follow to the second day. The first day: JAPANESE 301. Not only was there many people I knew in that class but I am kinda afraid since there is only one midterm instead of two. That means I only have one chance to make it! History class, although I know I will like but man! that teacher I can barely hear what he is saying! Not only is he far from us, he does not have a mike or anything and to make matters worse, he mumbles!!!!!! GOD! I just hope that is just a one time thing...but something tells me it isn't. I'm pretty sure that the whole semester my ears need to be wide awake for this class. The second day: an Q&A session with the business adviser, that Sarah lady that I have email before. I just felt that she was rushing me and wanted to get it over quickly, and she kinda push me to get an degree then to apply for an after-degree, like what Vanessa (which by the way I met while lining in line for book return) is doing right now. But the thing is, that will definitely take me 6 years, and at my rate (not enough credits for a degree anyways-120 credits) 7+ years to complete. So the best idea is to get into business this year. And for 2 hard years to get a business degree. The love hate relationship I have with getting into business is that I know I can get in, but I doubt myself wayyy to much! and I think I slack off too much, or put it off thinking that I can make it up. But the thing is that everything counts! You need to get the highest mark in every assignment, every test so those marks do not drag you down. I know that I doubt myself too much. I just know that once I get accepted into that faculty I can let go some of that doubt.
So from here on out I make an oath to myself. This year when I apply into business I WILL get IN! I must achieve a 3.5-3.3 average. Mommy makes a very good point: that I don't study hard enough or at effective because if others could make those marks so can I. I know she has very hopes for me and I soo don't want to dissapoint her since she and daddy works so hard for us. I really want to be strong and earn the bread for the family one day. I know as the days past they are getting older and hurting physically more, I just want they have some rest. At this rate, I have no idea what age they will retire at! It's just so sad. I wish I could provided them with more. So this year, study ahead, review before and after, particpate more in japanese class! And really push your limit! I really need this! I cannot to lose another year! I have no back up plan! LOL. So there is only one plan! PLAN A!
Reasons to get in:
Finally have direction!
Do not have to worry what to do next.
Not wasting another year.
Still be young when I graduate.
(If I make enough money) can go to paris and tokyo!
LOL.

I REALLY HOPE/WISH/PLAN/WILL! GET INTO THE FACULTY OF BUSINESS OR DIE TRYING. YOU MUST/NEED/WILL GET A GPA OF 3.3 AND ABOVE! NOTHING LESS IS ACCEPTABLE! YOU UNDERSTAND?

Aug 30

Almost the last days of summer till in a few days classes starts and everything is again the same routine. So for "celebration" of another mother's birthday dinner, my auntie wanted to treat her to dinner. Therefore, we went for sushi on my Emily's suggestion. What I thought was worthwhile blogging is when we were finish eating but still waiting for the "other" bill to be processed, I walked where my brother was and got a candy. There was a table of three, this cute baby with his parents. The little boy had the mohawk like haircut Emily mentioned earlier. As I was walking to Huy, this little boy turned his head in a angle I myself cannot reach, and continue to stare at me. At first I thought it was really cute, I always seem able to hold some attention from to a lot of babies. But maybe it was because of the bright yellow sweater I was wearing but still it was still so cute and flattering!! ^^. I told Huy, and as usual he didn't say much but kept looking. All I could like always is just snicker and give a half smile. After a moment his parents caught him and told him not to be rude but I thought it was still very cure. After his parents said that, he went back but then did the same position staring. At last we had to leave and thats proably the last time I will see that little boy but his position just warms my heart. I wished that I could have applied the same job May have this summer, I think I could have lost some weight and at the same time have loads of fun. Too bad, maybe next next summer.

Action

Recently, I need to review the life I am leading. Instead of leading a slothic life I should really step out and do something. For instance, I feel very negative over my body type issue. I know I am not overweight or underweight. But I just always feel very bad over the way my body looks. I know that maybe every girl in the world has some issue over their body, and the criticisms never seem to stop from someone but more importantly oneself. I just feel if I feel so bad about it, I should have some courage in myself to change it. Getting tone is not hard, just that it will take some time. The biggest problem with me is impatience. I expect results like that! and while I know that it cannot be rushed, I give up to quickly to stick by the plan. I know this habit of mine must change if I am to succeed. Whethter its just over my body image or something else bigger than girl issues, I know that fixing this habit will only better me in the future. So I hope by putting this into text that in the year 2009 I will FINALLY, FINALLY not just say useless words but put it into useful action. So this summer I will actually be happy for the proable vacations I expect to take. Oh! I would love to look fashionable in a dress and not have a 3 month old bulging at the tummy or have ugly thighs! or even unbearalbe arms. I REALLY REALLY WANT A CHANGE! I really want myself to succeed. I know the only thing hindering me and holding me from change is not anybody fault but myself. Years before I wanted this change, but because of my procrastination I know that is what kept me from reaching my goal to this day. Well I'm tired of it. As the new school year comes, I will actually make it a necessary requirement to execercise and tone at least 4 times the week, and hopefully in a few months I will see the results I always dream of.

My "fated" life?

What my mom told me my life might turn out to be:
1. Study hard!! To get further in life (A MUST!)
2. When I am around 29, that is when I will have good luck coming for me. >.<
3. For that to happen I would be alway from the parents somewhere far away
4. I could have a pretty successful life??!!!??? with a husband???!!!??
5. If I do borne a baby, at first sight I cannot see it cover in blood
6. I am "soil"

Very interesting I might say. If its come true I wouldn't mind since it sounds good. But I am a kinda realistic so I would not expect much.